Margaret’s Diary

Sept 12^th. 1857

I feel more like a servant than a wife to my husband nowadays. Jacob is abusing me as if it were his hobby. In my opinion my Jacob is a very self absorbed person. I'd wish that not many men were like this but they are and sometimes they are even worse than Jacob.

This is what we women have to face when the whole government is constructed of men. The men in the government would construct the laws and therefore the laws are in favor of the men and the women have no say. Women do no even have the right to vote. I guess I should learn to get used to this, I've already spent 7 years with Jacob. I wish one day we wouldn't have to face life in horror because of our husbands, but of course that can only be thought upon as a dream. I'm sure many women have tried escaping their homes because life with their husband is just intolerable.

The thought of Jacob only just brings me cold flashbacks of the day when I tried running away. That incident occurred when I haven't even given birth to my first child Jane. I was still pregnant at the time, people have told me before my marriage how their lives are controlled by their own husbands. I thought that maybe it wouldn't be all that bad.

As I was pregnant for the first time, Jacob began to behave how many women have described their husbands to be. He spent my money on other women to have sex. When he came home he would abuse me I wouldn't know what to do. I still have marks on my body from when he hurt me. Worst of all he didn't seem to even have a care in the world about the child, his child that I was bearing.

I thought that I have had enough and I packed my bags and left. I thought he may not even care enough to do something about it after all that is how he had treated me. But I was wrong. Within a few minutes the police found me and began drag me back to Jacob. The following few days were brutal for me, he would hit, punch and whip me but because I am a woman I can only sit there and take it.

There simply is no legal right for women, it is even reasonable to think of us as a little better than a slave. There wasn't one way he didn't hurt me I felt like a prisoner those days. After everything had calm down which I didn’t think was possible, I had learned from my mistakes and I started to live my life devoted my child, after all his/her future may not be like this and I hope it isn’t. I have realized that I was trying to live fantasy before, one that cannot be brought to life. I have to accept and believe that this is my life and this is how it is going to be for me and there is nothing I will be able to do about it.

As I am writing this, 4 years ago I would’ve thought I would be crying, but that isn’t so anymore. I have gone through so much with Jacob that I have no tears to let out. Now I’ve accepted that this is how my life is going to be like. I just have to sit and hope my children wouldn’t have to go through the same thing.

By: Tharmiga Loganathan