Margaret’s Diary

Sept 18^th. 1857

Nicholas my second child has become sick. Jacob is spending more time with his mistress and does not care about Nicholas. I don’t think Jacob even considers his kids as something to care about. I honestly believe that the only person he cares about is Elena his mistress.

Sometimes he even brings Elena home and I am expected to cook for her. What I don’t understand is why did he marry me if he liked having Elena around so much? If Elena was his wife then would he have a mistress then too? It is hard dealing with the mental torture I am going through when Elena is around, bearing a child, taking care of the others as well as carrying on with the usual chores around the house.

I pity Annabelle (my friend) even more than myself because she is in a working class family. Not only does she have to do everything I do but for 7 kids, but she also has to go to work. Since she is a woman she cannot make as much money as her husband does. She works as an agricultural laborer and only makes half the money her husband does at the cotton mill.

I have to get medicine for Nicholas; he doesn’t seem to be getting better any other way. I would get it some how if Jacob hadn’t used up my money that I have had even before my marriage. Jacob spent it on the mistress; I didn’t even get to know about this until a few weeks ago. I was devastated, I knew I couldn’t do anything I tried to build up the courage to ask him how he spent it on her but I knew well enough that the conversation would only lead to yet another brutal beating.

My main sources of entertainment are only reading the newspaper, sending and receiving letters and occasionally visiting people. Although I can visit people I am rarely able to do so. There is too much work around the house and I have to take care of the kids.

Today afternoon while I was harvesting crops, I saw Annabelle walking along the road. I called her; she was very tired I could see it on her face. She had just finished a long day at work. I invited her into my house and brought her some food. She was having trouble at home and all she needed was someone to talk to.

Annabelle and I mostly talked about women rights and if and how we would attain equal rights one day. Annabelle strongly believed that women would be treated equal to men eventually. I on the other hand, don’t have as much belief but I do hope there is nothing more than a mother wants than for her children to be happy. I wish that my children would life in a peaceful world.

Annabelle also talked about things such as how her husband treated her and how he was spending a lot of the money she was making on prostitutes. Her husband had forced her into sex many times. Jacob has forced me into sex and child bearing many times as well.

Women are excluded from public life their only use is to reproduce and take care of the children. Before Annabelle left I told her that Nicholas is sick and he doesn't seem to be getting better, she ran home right then and got herbs for him. I told her that I didn’t know how to repay her. She replied saying that I had already paid her by listening and being there for her. We women see happiness and are grateful for such things as visiting and seeing a friend.

By: Tharmiga Loganthan