September 21st, 1857
Today was...........terrifying. I won’t ever forget this day. Jacob brought home a deer he had hunted earlier today. This was rare, and Jacob was proud of himself-as always. While Penny and I stood there skinning the deer, he just sat around cuddling with Elena. It was always like this. He hunts. I cook. He builds the house, and I knit or sew the linens, rugs, etc. I am the one that makes his clothing and after all this, he still prefers Elena? I burn with jealousy whenever I see them together. I was supposed to be his wife, I did everything to make him happy and he still wanted a mistress? Right then I wished I could get away, and it struck me. The herbs Annabelle gave me really had worked a miracle. Nicholas was feeling much better. I had to thank her in some way, so I decided to take the half of the deer and give it to Annabelle. I thought that this little trip would let me get away from my hectic life, what I didn’t know was that this trip would make my life a disaster.
I had a great time with Annabelle, we talked and talked. We went from one subject to another. We talked about how unfair it was that men had the right to spend our inheritance on mistresses and prostitutes. About how men could do anything while, us woman only had limited power. I am amazed at her. She manages her home and her work. Even if she gets paid lower then her husband, she still manages to get by. I used to help out Jacob in the farm but after having my 3rd child, I was far too busy. Mending clothes, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids just took too much time. Many women are allowed to work or have their own business such as midwives, which I think is great. I have asked Jacob many times but he never agrees.
I wanted to keep talking to Annabelle but I could only stay for so long. When I got home, everything was a mess. Scott was crying, and Bella and Nicholas were fighting. As I tried to calm them down, Jacob started yelling at me. After 7 years of marriage, love, and service to him, I never thought he would say those things to me. He called me careless for leaving the kids, and selfish for taking half of the deer. I am not the one that is careless, he is! Why do the women only have to do this type of work? Are the men’s jobs only to sit around with a mistress? I am not the selfish one in this family, he is! He is the one who with the mistress; he is the one that does not care about his wife or his children. But it is not like he cared. After saying those accursed things, his temper got the better of him. He threw me down, and I fell to the ground- on my stomach. I was carrying my child in my stomach, did he not realize that? My child died before it was even born. The last thing I saw, before I fainted in pain, was Annabelle. There she sat, looking proud, and smug.
All I know is that I need to save my kids- the ones that are alive at least. I have had enough of this, and I need to get away. I cannot just lie in my bed, and wallow in self pity. I have a plan- and I intend to carry it out. I will be another Susannah Palmer.
Margaret Lockwood
By Rabia
No comments:
Post a Comment